the real geek test

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but I object to the use of the word geek. I’d always imagined that a geek was someone who was obsessive about computer programming. Lately though I’ve seen people use it in a way that is beginning to annoying me – it’s used to describe someone who simply uses the latest and greatest software or gadgets. This was brought to a head when I clicked a link in a tweet (thanks Colin!) which sent me to an article called “Top 10 Ways to Provoke a Geek Argument“.

I mean, I like to think I’m a geek, sad, but true. However, if the things mentioned in that article are likely to incite an argument in a geek, then I ain’t a geek. True geeks laughs in the face of such insults. So bearing all this in mind I say a real geek is someone who takes offense when:

  1. someone states that programming is just a day job;
  2. someone tells you they work in IT/computing and they can’t program – this often comes in the form of a third-person telling you their friend works in IT just like you!
  3. someone tells you that the technology used doesn’t matter;
  4. someone’s role call of programming languages does not extend to at least 4 and they don’t know at least one dynamic language – real brownie points go to those who know a functional language;
  5. someone shifts a conversation about programming to something else – oh yes, including girls, well maybe not!
  6. a developer tells you they don’t have broadband at home;
  7. someone states that Agile development is essentially the same as the Waterfall model;
  8. someone becomes a “developer” during a one year Masters conversion course – in particular sociology and arts students;
  9. a “developer” tells you they want to be a manager;
  10. people don’t think they’re a geek.
  11. There you go, if you don’t agree with these then you ain’t a geek! However, you are at least one tenth of one! 😀